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Parents Rights
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PARENTS IN QUR'AN

A Muslim child should respect and appreciate his or her parents every
day throughout the year. Allah asked human beings to recognize their
parents after recognition Allah Himself. Throughout the Qur'an, we
notice that parents are mentioned with appreciation and with respect,
even if they are senile. In Surah Al-Isra' (Children of Israel) there
is a very beautiful description of how parents are to be treated.
Allah (swt) says:

"Your Lord had decreed, that you worship none save Him, and (that you
show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old
age with you, say not "Fie" unto them nor repulse them, but speak
unto them a gracious word. And lower unto them the wing of submission
through mercy, and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both, as they did
care for me when I was young." [17:23-24]

The recognition and respect of parents is mentioned in the Qur'an
eleven times; in every instance, Allah reminds children to recognize
and to appreciate the care and love they have received from their
parents. In one aspect, Allah demands that children recognize their
parents by saying to them:

"We have enjoined on man kindness to parents." [29:8/46:15]


1. The demand for recognizing parents is made more emphatic when
Allah says in the Qur'an Surah Al-Baqarah (The Cow) the following:


"And (remember) when We made a covenant with the children of Israel,
(saying): worship none save Allah (only), and be good to
parents..." [2:83]


2. In Surah Al-Nisaa' (The Women) Allah (swt) emphasized again that
children should be kind to their parents.


"And serve Allah. Ascribe nothing as partner unto Him. (Show)
Kindness unto parents... " [4:36]


3. In Surah Al An'Am (The Cattle), Allah (swt) reemphasized that
people should be kind to their parents.


"Say: Come, I will recite unto you that which your Lord has made a
sacred duty for you; that you ascribe nothing as partner unto Him and
that you do good to parents..." [6:151]

 

Being dutiful to your parents

Allah has commanded us to treat our parents well, and He has linked
this to the command to worship Him and the prohibition of associating
anything in worship with Him. The rights of the mother in this regard
have been emphasized more than those of the father.

Allah says:
"Worship none but Allah (Alone) and be dutiful and good to
parents…" [al-Baqarah 2:83].


Ibn `Abbas said:

"This means treating them with respect and kindness, and lowering
the wing of humility to them, not answering them harshly or glaring
at them, not raising one's voice to them, but being as humble towards
them as a slave towards his master."


Allah says:

"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that
you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain
old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, not shout
at them, but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the
wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: `My Lord!
Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.'"
[al-Isra' 17:23-24].


Al-Baghawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

"This means not saying anything that may contain the slightest hint
of irritation. [The word `uff' in the aayah, translated here as `a
word of disrespect'] comes from the word `aff', which is similar to
the word `taff'; both words refer to the dirt that collects under
fingernails, and [in Arabic] when one is annoyed and fed up with
something, one says `uff!' to it."


Abu Baddaah al-Tajeebi said:

"I said to Sa'eed ibn al-Musayyab: `I understood everything in the
Qur'an about respecting one's parents, apart from the aayah "But
address them in terms of honour" [al-Isra' 17:23]. What are these
terms of honour [al-qawl al-kareem]?'

Ibn al-Musayyab said: `It is the way in which a slave who has done
wrong approaches a harsh and strict master.'"


Makhool said:

"Respecting one's parents is an expiation for major sins."


You have to be patient with your mother and put up with the harsh
treatment on her part, which at times maybe upsetting to you. By
treating her with respect and dealing with her kindly, you will earn
her good pleasure and love. Try to avoid things that will provoke her
and make her angry, even if they are in your interests, without
causing harm to yourself.

 

Love Your Parents

By: Mohammad Amin C. Cave

A MOTHER'S LABOUR OF LOVE

No one can deny the supreme sacrifice and care that a mother renders
to her child. The mother carries him (in her womb) by enduring strain
after strain. And subsequently, at the time of birth, she is
suspended between life and death. All this she faces with
determination as much as patience barring any regret or anger.

After the child is born, the mother looks after him and brings him up
with enormous love. She breast-feeds him for as long as two years,
after which she continues to look after her child with all sincerity,
regardless of the strain and travail (hard labour) that accompanies
such a task. Without doubt, the mother sacrifices time, energy and
much more in bringing up her child.

Because of her child, the mother is often forced to go without
sufficient sleep------ sacrificing and forgoing much-needed rest. As
a consequence, it is only but natural that she would constantly
suffer from exhaustion and fatigue. But strangely enough,in reality,
the opposite occurs. She is always happy and energetic.

The mother is the one who is up earliest. And at night, it is usually
the mother who is the last to go to bed. It is the mother who
prepares breakfast for the child and the rest of the family. And when
everyone leaves the house, be it for work, for school or for any
other reason, it is the mother who is left alone at home. She does
not rest, but continues to work ------ busy with cooking and the
daily household chores without stopping to rest. And when the child
comes home from school, his meal is ready; and he proceeds to eat
such with great relish. The mother, however, more often than not, has
not had anything to eat as yet.

The mother is always energetic. She performs her chores with a
feeling of elation and happiness. Why? Because of her love for her
children and family. She does not feel the exhaustion that naturally
comes with such work, because it gladdens her heart to know that her
child's future will be a happy and successful one.

A mother wishes that all her children will succeed ------- that is,
becoming useful citizens, children who are pious, children who are
devoted and respectful to their parents, who obey Allah (fearful of
God) and who are useful to their family, society and country as
well .

Because of her high aspirations for her children, she is always happy
and in high spirit; never tired and exhausted, in spite of her heavy
work load. She never sighs and complains, but is ever grateful.

Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) has described and explained a mother's
feelings for her child in the following hadith (his sayings):

Truly, those feelings are a blessing (rahmah) from Allah, if it were
not for these feelings, a mother would not be willing to breast-feed
her child, nor would a farmer be willing to work in the fields (under
the schorching heat of the sun).

A FATHER'S LABOUR OF LOVE
A father's sacrifice is just as big. It is the father who is the
bread winner in the family; he provides money for food, clothing,
shelter, education, health and other necessities for the family.

Every day, without wasting time, the father has to earn and provide---
-- be it by using his mental faculties, or thru physical labour such
as working under the scorching heat of the sun , or endangering his
life by going out in the stormy seas. He goes through all these with
perseverance and determination, solely for the purpose of providing
the needs of the family.

The father also harbors hopes for his children similar to that of the
mother, which means that his children succeed in becoming useful
individuals.

PARENTS AND THEIR HOPES
Expectations of parents with regard to their children are towering.
And it would make them extremely happy if their hopes become reality--
--: their child doing so well in his studies, their child having good
and praise-worthy manners.

A child who has achieved this is a pleasure to behold; one who
gladdens the heart of his parents, and like a child who is mentioned
in the following Du'a (supplication):

O our Sustainer (Allah - the Creator)! Grant that our spouse and our
offsprings be a joy to our eyes, and cause us to be foremost among
those who are conscious of thee! (Qur'an, 25/74)

Thus, every child must aspire to fulfill the desires and hopes of his
parents. If he is still a student, he should study conscientiously
and earnestly in order that he may perform well. If he completed
schooling and gets into society, he should put into practice all that
he has learnt. He should behave well at all times and should never
himself be a burden to society. He should constantly strive to be a
virtuous son who is always obedient to Allah's (God's) commandments;
and he should pray for his parents with good intentions and
supplication.

If the son is far away from home, he should not forget his parents
who may be feeling lonely. He should write to them often; visit them
during his vacation time especially during the Muslim festive season.
He should always try to make them happy; and he should never hurt
their feelings.

If the son has made a failure of his life, and has led a life abound
with sins, he should make a conscious effort to return to the Right
Path. He should seek repentance from Allah. He should strive to make
amends and should not cause his parents any further grief and
unhappiness.

THE VIRTUOUS CHILD
Parents will definitely benefit if their child turns out to be
virtuous. A virtuous child who has strong faith and has acquired an
understanding of submission (following the will of Allah {God}) which
is called Islam and puts it into practice ---- that is,he prays five
times a day, fasts during the month of Ramadan, goes for congregation
prayers, attends religious lectures/seminars and participates in
religious activities.

Such a child will gladden his parents' hearts while they are in this
world as well as in the hereafter.

The Prophet (pbuh), said: "When a person dies, he ceases to receive
reward for his deeds with the exception of the following:
establishing a foundation for the welfare of the public (for example,
building a mosque, school, hospital, etc.), knowledge which has
benefited others, and a virtuous offspring who supplicates for him."
(Al-Bukhari, Muslim and Abu Dawud).

A virtuous child will fulfill his obligations towards his parents, as
is prescribed by Islam.

Obligations of A child Towards His parent: To treat his parents
politely and gently. He must be gentle and devoted towards his
parents. He should not adopt rough and coarse attitude towards them,
especially in their old age. He should not utter anything that might
upset them, but should always speak politely to them.

The teachings of the Holy Qur'aan for the child to follow during his
life: "Your Lord (Allah) has ordained that you should worship none
except Him and show kindness to parents. If one of them or both of
them attain to old age with you, say not `Fie' unto them nor reproach
them but speak to them a gracious word. And lower unto them the wing
of submission through mercy (defer humbly to them out of tenderness)
and pray: My Lord, have mercy on them both as they nurtured me when I
was little." (Qur'an 17:23-24)..

"And we (Allah) have enjoined upon man (to be good) to his parents:
His mother bears him in weakness upon weakness.." Qur'an 31:14).

"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his
mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth.." (Qur'an
46:59).

Children should first seek permission before entering their room
The children should not enter their parents' room until and unless
they have obtained permission first.

"Yet when the children among you attain puberty, let them ask leave
of you (at all times), even as those (who have reached maturity)
before them have been enjoined to ask it." (Qur'an 24:59)

To stand before them (parents) as a mark of respect. And as a mark of
respect, children should stand when welcoming their parents.

The Prophet (pbuh) used to stand to welcome Fatima (his daughter)
when she came to visit him. And the prophet (pbuh) used to kiss her
and invite her to sit. Likewise, Fatima used to stand to welcome her
father whenever he came to visit her. And Fatima used to kiss him and
invite him to sit. That was how Siti Fatima (may Allah be pleased
with her) used to show respect to her parents. (Abu Dawud, Al-Nasai
ans Al-Tirmidhi)

TO HELP PARENTS FINANCIALLY
The children should help out their parents financially should such
help be needed. A young man once came to the prophet (pbuh)with a
complaint that his father wanted to take his property. The Prophet
(pbuh), replied:

"Anta wa-maluka li-Abika" ["You and your property are for your father
(to use) "].

Obligation of the child After the death of His parents
The prophet (pbuh) was once asked by a companion: "O messenger of
Allah! Are there any deeds that I could do to be of service to my
prarents after they have passed away?"

The prophet (pbuh), replied: "Yes there are: you should supplicate
for them and ask Allah to forgive them; you should carry out
(fulfill) their promises; you should maintain good relations with
your relatives ; and you should honour their friends." (Abu Dawud,
Ibn Majah and Ibn Hibban)

A well known prayer for parents: "O Allah! Forgive me my sins, and
the sins of my parents, have mercy on them boths as they have looked
after me when I was little"

PARENTS WHO ARE NOT NON-MUSLIMS
A child is required to do good towards his parents who are non-
Muslims except in matters which will lead to shirk or which will go
against Allah --- in which case, the child must not obey the parents.

(Revere thy parents); Yet should they endeavour to make thee ascribe
divinity, side by side with Me, to something thy mind cannot accept
(as divine), obey them not; but (even then) bear them company in this
world's life with kindness." Qur'an 31:15

Good relation with non-Muslim parents should be maintained, for
example, honouring them, treating them politely, helping them
financially, providing food and clothing, visiting them and attending
to them when they are sick. And most important, to pray that their
parents receive guidance from Allah!

Allah's Reward for the Child: Allah will give a bounteous reward to
the child who is devoted to his parents. On the other hand, a child
who is rebellious and goes against the wishes of his parents will
incur Allah's wrath. There are numerous hadith with regard to this:

Whoever does good towards his parents will certainly live happily and
contentedly; and Allah will lengthen his life. (Al-Fath Al-Kabir).

Be devoted towards your parents so that your children may be devoted
towards you.

Allah's pleasure ceases when the parents' pleasure cease; Allah's
Wrath ceases when the parents' wrath cease. (Al-Termidhi, Al-Hakim
and Al-Bukhari)

There are three prayers which are accepted without any uncertainty;
they are: the prayer of one who has been oppressed: the prayer of a
traveler; and the prayer of parents for their child. (Ahmad, Al-
Bukhari, Abu Dawud and Al-Tirmidhi).

The major sins are: to associate partners with Allah (acknowledging
other gods besides Allah), going against the wishes of one's parents.
To kill someone, and to swear falsely. (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)

The punishment of every major sin is Hell-fire unless the sinner
seeks repentance from Allah; or if the sin is going against one's
parents, then the sinner must also seek forgiveness from his parents.

The punishment of every sin will be held back till the Day of
Judgment with exception of the sin of going against one's parents, in
which case, punishment will take place during his lifetime before his
death. (Al-Tabrani).

It has been narrated that Alqamah was a good companion of the prophet
(pbuh). He was very diligent when it came to praying, fasting and
giving charity. However, upon getting married, his love for his wife
was greater than for his mother. As a result, when he was dying, he
was not able to recite the Kalimah "la ilaha illallah." The Prophet
(pbuh) asked the mother to forgive her son, however, she refused to
do so. Eventually, the Prophet told bilal to gather some firewood;
and told the latter to burn Alqamah. Upon seeing this, the feelings
of love for her son prevailed; forgave her son, after which, Alqamah
was able to recite the Kalimah "La ilaha illah" as he breathed his
last.

LOVE YOUR PARENTS!
When we realized how much our parents have done for us, every son/
daughter must love and respect his/her parents, must be good towards
them and must be grateful to them.

A child who does this will be bounteously rewarded with paradise in
the hereafter and will enjoy a life of happiness and comfort in this
world. Insha Allah. On the other hand, a child who goes against his
parents will incur Allah's wrath.

Thus, strive to be a virtuous son/daughter. Love your parents, so
that your life will be happy and blissful and you will be protected
from the wrath of Allah (God).

 

The Rights of Parents in Islam

By Shiekh al-Othaimin

No single person, in the right frame of mind, believes in denial the
rights of the parents unto their own children. The parents are,
indeed, the very reason for the existence of their child. Both
parents are entitled to great rights by their children in accordance
of Islam, and all other sound principles, as well. But, let us
closely examine the right of parents to their children according to
Islam.

Parents raise their own children and care for them throughout their
childhood. Both suffer a lot for the comfort, pleasure, happiness,
health and satisfaction of their children. They wake up and stayed
awake, in order for their child to sleep. They suffer all kinds of
headache, fatigue, and tiredness for the contentment of their child,
particularly while they are infants.

A mother carries the child in her womb, for nine full lunar months,
in most normal pregnancies. She gives her fetus from her won food and
sustenance bearing all the biological, chemical and physical changes
that she is burdened with, with a pleasant feeling, high hopes and
beautiful expectations of her beloved baby.

All these difficulties encountered by a mother, although causing her
fatigue, weakness and many other problems, are not but a pleasure to
most normal pregnant mothers who are in love with their children in
their wombs. Allah, the Almighty stated in the Glorious Qur'an:

"And we have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: In travail
upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain, was his
weaning: (Hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy
parents: To Me is (the final) Goal." [31:14]

Later in the life of a child, his mother nurses the child regardless
of how tiring this process is, how demanding it may be, how difficult
it could become at times, but still mothers sacrifice all for their
beloved babies. Normal mothers willingly, happily and gladly do that
for their beloved children, in most ordinary cases for two years or
even longer, without compliant, burden or even hesitation, day and
night, summer and winter, busy or unoccupied, tired or rested, happy
or sad, as mothers again take a special interest in their babies.

It is, therefore, for that very reason, along with many others,
illustrated later, that Allah, the Almighty, constituted this immense
right on man towards his parents. The sacrifices of mothers mainly
are the most distinct, unique and an act that stands on its own
merits. Fathers, nevertheless are also next in importance for the
child is at an early stage of his/her life when such child can not
fetch for himself, defend himself or earn for himself.

Mothers, however, carry on their emotions, caring feelings, loving
and concern about their own children for much longer periods in life.
In fact, some mothers approach death, or even their own children have
grand children, but yet, they still considered them their "babies",
as if they never left that infant and helpless stage. For that
reason, Allah, the Almighty stated in the Glorious Qur'an:

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be
kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy
life, say no word to them in contempt, nor repel them but address
them in terms of honor. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing
of humility and say: "My Lord! Bestow upon them thy Mercy as they did
bring me up when I was small" [17:23-24]

The most essential right of parents unto their children, male and
female, is to be most kind, helpful, respectful, caring, mindful,
gentle and keen to them. A child must exert every effort, financial
ability and physical abilities to be kind, good, helpful, protective
and serving to them at any given time of their life. A child must, at
any given time in his life, obey their commands and follow their
requests and instructions, as long as such commands and instructions
do not contradict, conflict with, or disrespect the commands of
Allah, the Almighty, or cause the child any physical or mental harm.

A child must be kind in words, treatment and actions to his parents.
It is a right of the parents on their children to be pleasant in
their presence and serve them with pleasure and without any
complaints, hidden or apparent. It is their due right to be served
from their children at their old age, in case of aging and illness
and being very weak, with no complaint, criticism or grievance.

A child will, most likely, suffer the same things his parents suffer
from in aging, weakness and maybe the state of senility. A child, in
most normal circumstances, could become a parent himself, and may
become and undesirable or unwanted parents in his children home or
household, if Allah, the Almighty, wanted for such a child this
situation.

Such an aging parent is in need for the help, caring and assistance
of his children as well. This is the normal life, as you deal others,
and especially your parents, Allah, the Almighty, will provide you
with children who will treat you in the same manner and fashion.
Therefore, if a child grew up to be kind to his old and aging
parents, when they need care, service and assistance, let him rest
assured that Allah, the Almighty, will cause his children to be as
nice, or on the contrary, as evil, as one was to his parents.

In fact, as you treat your parents, your own children will treat you.
Moreover, Allah, the Almighty, placed parents in such a high position
in accordance with Islam, the religion of the pure, innate and
practical way of life. The rights of parents as preserved in Islam by
Allah, the Almighty, are so immense that He, the Almighty, placed
their rights upon their children next to His own right upon man, whom
He, the Almighty created, cherished, sustained and supported. Allah,
the Almighty stated in the Glorious Qur'an:

" Serve God, and join not any partners with Him; and do good to
parents." [4:36].

Allah's Apostle, PBUH, placed kindness to parents in a position
higher than Jihad, struggle and actual fight for the cause of Allah,
the Almighty, in an Islamic battle and for a noble Islamic cause.

Ibn Masoud, RAA, a companion of Allah's Apostle, PBUH said [I asked
the Prophet, salla Allahu alaihi wasallam: "What is the most beloved
deed in the sight of Allah, the Almighty?" He, PBUH said: "Offering
Salah in its due and prescribed time". I, then asked: " What is
next?" He, PBUH, said: "Kindness to one's parents." I further
asked: " What is next?" He, PBUH, said: "Jihad for the Cause of
Allah, the Almighty"]. This Hadith, statement of Allah's Apostle,
PBUH, is reported by both Bukhari and Muslim.

This Hadith, definitely, shows the importance of the rights of
parents upon their children. It is a very unfortunate situation to
notice, nowadays that many individuals, regardless of creed, belief,
national or geographical location, social or economical status, are
showing discern, humiliation, carelessness, indifference or even
neglect to their own parents.

At times, the best thing that one does is to send a gift, a greeting
card, a message with someone, a telephone call, a telegram or a even
a fax to his parent wishing them a happy year, a happy birthday, a
happy anniversary or any other occasion. One forgets that amount of
effort they exerted physically, biologically, socially, economically,
emotionally and spiritually to see their beloved child grow to become
what he/she is.

Occasionally, children may get together for a reunion, so to speak or
for a special occasion or event. Nine out of ten times if you ask a
person who is brought up in Western hemisphere, although he might be
a Muslim, about what would do with his own parents when they grow
old, grumpy and maybe incapable of caring for their own affairs, he
answer comes spontaneously: "I will arrange a very nice, clean and
pleasant nursing home!!!" What a caring child! One forgets totally
what his own parents did for him at his young age! How much they
struggled for him! How much they sacrificed for his safety, pleasure,
health and happiness. That is history

He take the extra effort to care for them when they really need his
care and company in a pay back so to speak terms and conditions!!!
Moreover, it is noticed, nowadays also that some very unfortunate
parents are treated rather inhumanely by their children. There are
even some other children who do not admit any right for their parents
but rather discern them, attempt to ridicule them, insult them,
humiliate them or even beat them in private, or at times in public
calling them from senile, old man, old woman, and every other name in
the book. Such youngsters will get their due and fair reward in this
life before the hereafter, Allah, the Almighty knows best.

Islam insists on the rights of the parents due to the very nature of
human feelings, human needs, the human race and society. That, what
we, Muslims, believe is a sort of dedication that Allah, the
Almighty, placed in the hearts of the young Muslim generation so the
Muslim society becomes distinguished and unique for its own merits.
Allah, the Almighty stated in the Glorious Qur'an:

"Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents." [31:14]

That is the Islamic criterion for the right of the parents. This is
but a truly human, honoring and respectful treatment to the physical
parents, who produced us from their very existence, dedicated their
life, efforts, wealth and all what they could afford to see us the
way we are. Those who stayed awake during the nights when we ached,
deprived themselves new cloths to see us wearing new clothes,
suffered when we suffered, celebrated the our first step, felt happy
and proud when we achieved, felt miserable and unhappy if we failed.
That is why we should honor them at their old age.

This natural right for the parent is preserved, honored, respected
and practiced by truly committed Muslims, young and old, anywhere in
the Islamic world. That is also why we urge everyone, Muslim or non-
Muslim to learn about the beauty of Islam as a complete and integral
way of life. It is indeed the religion of pure and innate that does
not clash or contradict with the correct natural matters of this
life.
From : Essential Rights