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How to Make
your Wife Happy
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1. Beautiful Reception. After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has
separated you:
begin with a good greeting
start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well
Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!
2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations
Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones
Give her your attention when you speak or she speaks
Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands
Call her nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc
3. Friendliness and Recreation
Spend time talking together
Spread to her good news
Remember your good memories together
4. Games and Distractions
Joking around & having a sense of humor
Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever
Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment
Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment
5. Assistance in the Household
Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick
or tired
The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work
6. Consultation (Shurah) Specifically in family matters
Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you
Studying her opinion carefully
Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better
Thanking her for helping you with her opinions
7. Visiting Others
Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting
relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits
Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with
8. Conduct During Travel
Offer a warm farewell and good advice
Ask her to pray for him
Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence
Give her enough money for what she might need
Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc.
Return as soon as possible
Bring her a gift!
Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night
Take her with you if possible
9. Financial Support
The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities.
He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread
that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.
10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
Always being clean and neat
Put on perfume for her
11. Intercourse
It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)
Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.
Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus)
Begin with foreplay including words of love
Continue until you have satisfied her desire
Relax and joke around afterwards
Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram
Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and
modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her
to do it first while you are looking on
Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting
pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are
heavy
Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes
she maybe sick or exhausted.
12. Guarding Privacy
Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her
personal problems and other private matters.
13. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah
Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam-ul-Layl"
(extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua)
Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer
Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the
prophet) in the morning and evening
Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a
charity sale
Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so
14. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends
Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents
Invite them to visit her and welcome them
Give them presents on special occasions
Help them when needed with money, effort, etc.
Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies
first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the
sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her
friends and family.
15. (Islamic) Training & Admonition. This includes:
The basics of Islam
Her duties and rights
Reading and writing
Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs
Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library
16. Admirable Jealousy
Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house
Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men
Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are:
1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her
speech by meanings that she did not mean
2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are
just
3- Preventing her from answering the phone.
4- etc.
17. Patience and Mildness
Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is
wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital
breakdown.
Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT,
by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV,
etc.
Forgive the mistakes she does to you (See item 18)
How can you best correct her mistakes?
1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your
feelings). Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to
another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with
her.
3- The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this
case, the hsuband should consider the following:
He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH
never beat a woman or a servant.
He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing
intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time,
leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor
refusing to tell him where she had been, etc.
It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and
discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an
He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on
sensitive parts of her body
He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.
18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure
Accounting her only for larger mistakes
Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in
Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc.
Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake
Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as
maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her
commitment to Islam is growing
Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet
PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he
eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment
Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches
that are more subtle than direct accusations
Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings
When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have
privacy from others
Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control
on your words.
Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem
Hamed, for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br.
Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive
us our faults and correct our errors. |
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